Too close...

"Don't get too close its dark inside,
                      its where my demons hide..."

                             Imagine Dragons "Demons"

One of the great themes throughout literature is formed in the conflict between light and dark. There is always at hand this eternal individual struggle between what we try to hide and those things that become exposed. A distorted dance. A dance between what we desire, what we know to be right, and the gap between. And so we find it easier to keep at a distance those around us. The irony that often the ones we love the most, we fear the most. The ones we want close are the ones we push away. We become those self-imprisoned. And we remain so as long as the darkness remains inside. We can flee, hide, distort, justify, and simply ignore those divisions within us. It is only when we no longer can control the darkness, when there is no more excuses, when it seems utterly uncontrollable that we turn to face ourselves.

And we struggle...

“I do not speak as I think, I do not think as I should, and so it all goes on in helpless darkness.” 
― Franz Kafka

We struggle and wrestle against this condemnation. We offer excuses to those that will listen, to those closest, and finally to ourselves. We minimize offering in exchange for the darkness all we see that is light within. We barter, exchange, promise, and plead. We bring up the of list of what is good. Or we simply promise to try and be better. Yet, in each instance we retreat just a little more. We retreat away from reality into a drama of our own making. A drama where we can control the ending, where it all works out, where we are the tragic hero who ultimately wins. But we find that drama keeps being interrupted, reality keeps breaking in...

“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” 
― Plato

Our fear of exposure continues to grow unrestrained until that day the light breaks in! One of the the most renowned stories of the Gospels is Jesus' encounter with the woman at the well in John 4. Although history does not record her name, she stands not as a hero who triumphs over her own darkness, but as one who found hope and joy in the midst of her darkness. Her encounter with Jesus was not comfortable, nor safe. She was confronted by her own darkness in the face of man who knew her intimately. Yet, he loved her...

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.” 
― Martin Luther King Jr., A Testament of Hope: The Essential Writings and Speeches

Our encounter with Christ is never comfortable or safe, he is not a man who is tolerant or compliant. He does not go along or get along, he is holy. A man who is also a holy God. We come as we are, as the woman did, we come with all of our darkness and demons hidden as best we can, but they cannot remain hidden. For he is light and in him is no darkness. We come as we are, but we cannot remain as we were.

“Two qualities are indispensable: first, an intellect that, even in the darkest hour, retains some glimmerings of the inner light which leads to truth; and second, the courage to follow this faint light wherever it may lead.” 
― Carl von Clausewitz