Too close...

"Don't get too close its dark inside,
                      its where my demons hide..."

                             Imagine Dragons "Demons"

One of the great themes throughout literature is formed in the conflict between light and dark. There is always at hand this eternal individual struggle between what we try to hide and those things that become exposed. A distorted dance. A dance between what we desire, what we know to be right, and the gap between. And so we find it easier to keep at a distance those around us. The irony that often the ones we love the most, we fear the most. The ones we want close are the ones we push away. We become those self-imprisoned. And we remain so as long as the darkness remains inside. We can flee, hide, distort, justify, and simply ignore those divisions within us. It is only when we no longer can control the darkness, when there is no more excuses, when it seems utterly uncontrollable that we turn to face ourselves.

And we struggle...

“I do not speak as I think, I do not think as I should, and so it all goes on in helpless darkness.” 
― Franz Kafka

We struggle and wrestle against this condemnation. We offer excuses to those that will listen, to those closest, and finally to ourselves. We minimize offering in exchange for the darkness all we see that is light within. We barter, exchange, promise, and plead. We bring up the of list of what is good. Or we simply promise to try and be better. Yet, in each instance we retreat just a little more. We retreat away from reality into a drama of our own making. A drama where we can control the ending, where it all works out, where we are the tragic hero who ultimately wins. But we find that drama keeps being interrupted, reality keeps breaking in...

“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” 
― Plato

Our fear of exposure continues to grow unrestrained until that day the light breaks in! One of the the most renowned stories of the Gospels is Jesus' encounter with the woman at the well in John 4. Although history does not record her name, she stands not as a hero who triumphs over her own darkness, but as one who found hope and joy in the midst of her darkness. Her encounter with Jesus was not comfortable, nor safe. She was confronted by her own darkness in the face of man who knew her intimately. Yet, he loved her...

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.” 
― Martin Luther King Jr., A Testament of Hope: The Essential Writings and Speeches

Our encounter with Christ is never comfortable or safe, he is not a man who is tolerant or compliant. He does not go along or get along, he is holy. A man who is also a holy God. We come as we are, as the woman did, we come with all of our darkness and demons hidden as best we can, but they cannot remain hidden. For he is light and in him is no darkness. We come as we are, but we cannot remain as we were.

“Two qualities are indispensable: first, an intellect that, even in the darkest hour, retains some glimmerings of the inner light which leads to truth; and second, the courage to follow this faint light wherever it may lead.” 
― Carl von Clausewitz

The Avenger Question

 In this classic american film (I do not mean classic as in its  quality, but classic in the sense that it lives up to almost every  stereotype of American ideology) a group of independent  seemingly broken super heroes overcome there many               issues and set aside their individualism just in time to rescue   the world from the plots of a demigod and his narcissistic      mercenary plans. The scene depicted in this clip reveals    much of the over the top tribute and almost blatant    glorification of American idealism present in much of the film,  however, the speech that Loki gives - the archenemy of  humanity in this film - moves beyond even its own narrative  structure and poses a greater question to all of us. 

  At first glance and under the first impression the speech    generates all of the emotion of being slapped in the face. As  humorous as the setting is, his words strike almost at a  visceral level, especially to Americans who have grown up  on the American ideals of freedom, individualism, and justice. This speech basically goes against everything that we as Americans believe and guilt our identity on. However, wrapped up, not so subtly, in this speech is the provocative claim that man was meant not for freedom, but for slavery. In fact not just were we made for slavery, but our hearts desire to be ruled, to be mastered. It is the claim that we cannot handle freedom and that for happiness and peace of mind we would, and in fact want to be ruled. 

Loki propose, "You were made to be ruled" and a old man stands and replies, "not by men like you"

Interestingly, the man does not dispute the claim that we were meant to be ruled. It strikes me as odd that instead of denying Loki's assertion, he in a way agrees replying simply that we will not be ruled by someone like Loki.  On the surface everything that is in me wants to deny Loki's claim, laugh it off as ridiculous, as something that's just in a movie but, behind his words there is more truth than I want to admit…

When I look within I do find a great desire to be free, but if I look closely, I find not just a desire to for freedom, but a willingness and surprising comfort with being ruled. In my case, like perhaps many of you, this is not about a man or government, but about the things that I desire most in the world. I do find it inherently insulting to be forced to serve another man, but what about all those things that I will willingly serve? What about all my "addictions" and "-isms"? Do I really desire freedom from all those things? Or do I willingly place myself at the least in indentured servitude and the worst slavery to the things in my life that promise to give what I want most? These are the hard questions that mostly I enjoy simply ignoring, but when another master comes and claims everything for himself all of a sudden those smaller "addictions" fight desperately and struggle all the more. We often discover our addictions only when we try and give them up. We slip into slavery, into "addictions" without even becoming aware of them until one comes whose claim is greater and demands we give them up. 

Loki relates to us a reality of our own hearts that is hard to hear. It is the reality that we do not do well when left alone. For we were not made to carry the burden of making up our own meaning, value, purpose and significance. In his speech, Loki insinuates because of the lure of  freedom we loose the joy of life in a "mad scramble for power and identity." It is when we are unsure of these things that we so easily slip into giving up our freedom to the first thing or idea or man or woman that offers us the hope of that discovery. And so we become "addicted". We are not tempted by obvious claims and even less subtle power plays that attempt to coerce us or manipulate our hearts. We are tempted by those things masked in goodness, those good things that offer ultimate things but cannot deliver. It's absurd! Crazy! But I find that my heart is willing and in fact desirous of giving itself to unworthy masters. The heart searches constantly to find those objects, causes, people, and ideals that will promise us meaning, value, purpose, significance, and power. Loki was right, freedom is too often to great a burden. In response we become "addicted" to work, to spouses, to children, to alcohol, drugs, power, wealth, fame and we become their loyal servants. 

Yet, in Galatians Paul writes, "For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery." And in Romans he writes, "you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin, which leads to death, or of obedience, which leads to righteousness?... 18 and, having been set free from sin, have become slaves of righteousness."  Here is tension. Paul declares that we have been set free for freedom, but that that freedom comes at the cost of slavery to righteousness. What? The key is that we are not set free to abandon our created purpose, but to fulfill it. God's promise to us it not that we would be set free from him, but set free to worship him. We are free to return to him, to worship him, to again return to the freedom to do what we were created to do. We cannot be set free from the desire and need to worship, to have at our core the need for another to provide meaning and purpose, but we can be set free from the slavery of all other masters.  The truth is that we were made to be ruled, but not by man nor by own desires, but by the King of Kings. The King of Kings is the one who gave up his throne, gave up his power, his glory, and exchanged it for subservience and humility. The story of Christianity is the story of a God who became a slave in order to bring freedom. We worship, follow, and obey. We are the people with a King, a people who were created to be ruled. It is not an insult, but a privilege. For we share in the inheritance of the King.