“…but
also in the heart of a father’s affection, to charge and exhort them to
remember “that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom[1]”’
I do not remember clearly the day that I first heard or read
the Scripture passage quoted above. Yet, I remember two things as if they were
yesterday. The first, is as a child reading 1 Samuel 3 and the account of
Solomon’s request for wisdom above all the other things in this world, and the
second, finding in my earthly father a pattern to follow. Faith has been
described in many ways. We often throw “faith” and “believe” around as if all
it takes to solve the pain, hurt, and frustration in life is to close our eyes,
bury our heads, hearts, and minds and expect it all to be okay. As many of us
know and have experienced life is more precious, pain more intense, and life
more complicated than for blanket platitudes. The God we serve is too real for
that…
Intrinsically we understand fear, frustration, and
pain. It is not something we must
be taught or learn in a classroom. In moments of fear we often encounter for a
brief moment the fragility and brevity of life. Suddenly, life becomes more
real, perhaps, even more true. Yet, fear can also paralyze and even
incapacitate us. Fear exists when the circumstances of life run head-on into
our inadequacies. When life spirals out of control, when things seem to fall
apart all around us, when everything we do seems ineffective and doomed to
failure, and when everyone seems to know right where we are inadequate, then
fear is unavoidable. How then do we move when faced with our fears? The
question is not how to ignore, avoid, or even how to move in spite of our
fears. The question is how do we move into and through those fears.
So why faith? How is faith not simply another mental
exercise to avoid the problems we face? Or not simply positive thinking? What
is so different about our faith? I always believed faith and fear were
opposites. Yet, God is teaching me
that biblically it is not faith or fear; it is who you fear most and who you
have faith in. If your faith is only in yourself then you have every right to
fear. We are small creatures tossed to and fro on the winds and waves of life. There
hardly ever appears anything about our lives that if shaken cannot be moved.
Yet, we are continually told that if you believe in yourself you can and will
succeed. In fact, this faith in the individual’s significance, power and
control happens to be an essential part of being an American. There is no other
doctrine that has been promulgated so deep and wide. This core belief
penetrates even the most remote area’s of our hearts and souls. We are taught
to perform, to overcome. Obstacles simply make us stronger, more independent.
We fight, and die believing and having faith in ourselves. When fear comes,
when the doubt slips in, when we are terrified the solution is simple – just
believe in yourself. Yet, there appears nothing within me that bears this
confidence. The empirical logic all around me screams the opposite. I am not
that strong, I am not that smart, I am not that athletic. I don’t look like a
celebrity. In fact our entire cultural seems hell-bent on proving that although
I am not enough I certainly must believe I am. In other words, the game seems
to be keeping me thinking that if I just tried a little harder, bought a few
more things, worked a little more, made just a little bit more than it could be
mine. Yet, the simple truth remains – I am afraid, because I know my own
inadequacies.
These past few weeks have been some of the most fearful of
my life. I would not say I fear many things, but I do fear failure. I fear failure
in the eyes of my wife, my family, and perhaps most importantly failing in my
own eyes. There has been no doubt in my mind that I am called to be at
Gordon-Conwell and to pursue my theological education. I have no doubt that God
has promised to meet the needs of those he has loved and called according to
his purpose. Yet, there is a difference between believing those two statements
individually, and experiencing them. Rubber meets the road…
“The Lord is my light
and my salvation;
whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the
stronghold of my life;
of whom shall I be
afraid?” [2]
The faith we have requires us to face our inadequacies and
fears head on. It cannot be nor cannot remain a mental exercise removed from
the harsh realities of life. For if our faith remains in our own strength and
abilities, our fear only grows. Yet, the promise of God is that if we remain in
Him, our faith will grow and our fears be removed. Raising support is a true
test for Melody and I. It requires that we trust in the promises of God more
than we trust in our own abilities. It means we take him at his word, that he
will never leave us nor forsake us. And we wait, pray, watch, and rejoice.
But if God so clothes
the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the
oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31 Therefore do not be anxious, saying,
‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the Gentiles seek after all
these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God
and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you[3]
[1]
William J. Federer, Great Quotations: A
Collection of Passages, Phrases, and Quotations Influencing Early and Modern
World History Referenced According to Their Sources in Literature, Memoirs,
Letters, Governmental Documents, Speeches, Charters, Court Decisions and
Constitutions (St. Louis, MO: AmeriSearch, 2001).
[2]
The Holy Bible: English Standard Version
(Wheaton: Standard Bible Society, 2001), Ps 27:1.
[3]
The Holy Bible: English Standard Version
(Wheaton: Standard Bible Society, 2001), Mt 6:30–33.
